My God! Never thought I would say this but the new Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was a big, big disappointment! I was so looking forward to the new Indy movie to come out but in the end I was totally devastated! Am I overreacting?? I hope so, but I'm not... This time Steven Spielberg and George Lucas have really done it, they have destroyed the legacy of Indiana Jones by producing this pathetic new movie that doesn’t fit to be even close to the other three greats. I'm extremely surprise that both of them can't see that this new edition sucks?? This is totally not an Indiana Jones movie it's like watching a bad TV series with bad acting and bad plot. Several reasons why:
1) Unnecessary/confusing scenes
2) Bad acting – extras (esp. the Russian army and the Mayan warriors)
3) Characters – very questionable
4) Weak plot – Aliens? You gotta be joking! This ain’t an Indiana Jones movie la. It’s the X-Files with Indiana Jones in it!
5) Predictable storylines
Here’s how it happened yesterday (22 May 08)
So I went to the movies last night even though I was sick. Why? Because it's the new Indiana Jones movie you prick! And I didn't want to queue up like mad this coming weekend just to get the tickets!! And thank God I went last night because it's not worth queuing up this weekend. I'm not joking fellas. Indiana Jones is dead, the movie that is. From the start of the movie I felt something was not right. It started off with an army convoy on an open road when suddenly a hot rod with 4 teenagers came out of nowhere and started to provoke one of the convoy to race with them. And one would think that this scene would go somewhere but it didn't. The convoy reached a junction and the hot rod just went out of the scene. What was the purpose of the hot rod kids? If Spielberg wants the audience to know that this sequel is based in the 1960s, I believe there are many other better ways of doing it la. There was also a scene in the movie, in the Area 51 warehouse, briefly; it showed the Lost Ark in a wooden box. It gave me the impression that the story would lead to more of this ark. Nope, nadda, zilch! I don't really understand.
“Then what was the purpose of that scene, Mr. Spielberg?”
Past Indiana Jones movies have well-known villains. In Raiders of the Lost Ark the nemesis were the Nazis, Indian Cult with child slavery and destructive cult rituals in the Temple of Doom and again the Nazis in the Last Crusade. It is as if Spielberg had run out of ideas, he chose the Russians to be the bad guys this time around.
"Better be dead than Red"
Rrriiighhtt... "better not do a sequel if it sucks" is how I would say it.
I don’t really understand why, in 1957, (the year specifically stated in the movie later on) a Russian colonel would want to find this crystal alien skull and return it to Akator (the origin of the skull) in order to have a special power with the help of our beloved Indy. Ironically, in the movie, never was there any instruction from Kremlin to pursuit this mission. Unlike the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark, it clearly mentioned Hitler wanted the Ark. The same applies to the Last Crusade. But in this sequel, it is as if, this colonel is pursuing a personal agenda. Unconvincing enough the plot is.
Enter Colonel Dr. Irina Spalko, an evil KGB agent cum mad scientist aka the main villain, played by the very talented Cate Blanchett. She is obsessed with crystal alien skulls supposed to be able to give a person the insight of people's minds. "Knowledge rules!" Her motto I would assume. Well, it's not that she's a bad actor; it's just that she's not a good enough villain. For starters, her wig looked so bad. Her Russian accent is too. She is forever with her sword and only uses it to show directions! I can't even remember whether she ever killed someone throughout the movie. That's how 'bad' she was as a villain. And I don’t even want to talk about her 2nd man, not worth mentioning. He even died halfway the movie killed by ants! Very tough this villain is.
Remember the bald guy that had a big fight with Indy in Raiders of the Lost Ark and finally killed by a plane’s propeller? I miss that bad guy.
Another character, George 'Mac' McHale, played by Ray Winstone, supposes to be Indy's old friend cum traitor cum double-crosser cum Russian spy cum Bling crazy cum... I don't know how else to describe this character!?! I mean, one minute he was Indy's old friend, the other, he's a double agent, and then later he's a CIA agent and lastly, a greedy bastard before he kicked the bucket! I'm so confused with this one.
“What is the purpose of this character Mr. Spielberg??” He's so irritating with his over-doing British accent and especially when he can't say enough the word “Jonesy!!" And there’s another character, Ox, played by John Hurt, which I’m not going to talk about at all. He's crazy anyway. Not worth going there.
And why in the hell did you bring in Shia LaBeouf when you under utilized him? This kid is an awesome actor and all he does in this movie is combing his hair!?
"Come on, Mr. Spielberg! This boy can do a lot more. Did you see his acting in the Transformers the movie?? Brilliant!!"
In Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Scums, he played as Mutt Williams, a boy who left school and chose to earn money via repairing bikes. So obsess with his hair and his bike that in one scene, he and Indy traveled thousands of miles to Peru boarding from one plane to another together with his big bike! And the best part was, when they reached their destination, there was no more scene of Mutt and his bike ever again.
“Why the heck did you bring your big bike half way across the world and then don't use it in any other scenes, Mr. Spielberg?”
Oh ya, this Mutt boy turned out to be Indy's son too!!
" Seriously it’s so corny and a sad way to know you had a son, Indy"
To make things worse, this movie re-introduced Marion Ravenwood played by the original actor but now double-the-size, Karen Allen. I don't know how the hell she suddenly caught up in the whole story and appeared in Peru, too. And, as expected, she is Mutt's mom.
“Mr. Spielberg, why must you bring this lady back in the new sequel? Why?”
This movie should be called "Indiana Jones & Family and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"
Yes, there were some great actions, though repetitions of the same style from the past movies. In the end, after all these obvious story lines, the colonel apparently died after absorbing all the powers from the aliens, YES, ALIENS! And the whole ‘kingdom’ was actually a huge alien spaceship, YES, ALIEN SPACESHIP! After turning on its engine the spaceship just zapped off.
All these while, Indiana Jones movies have been based on histories of the world, digging out artifacts and how Indy tried to save these priceless 'world history' from the wrong hands. Suddenly there are aliens in the latest Indy movie! Aliens and aliens spaceship!? This is a joke, man!
“Where are you going with this, Mr. Spielberg?”
I am speechless la.
In summary, Steven Spielberg and George Lucas got their brains twisted with Indiana Jones, Close Encounter and the X-Files. Seriously, they shouldn’t have come up with the sequel. I believe when they had planned to do this sequel, there was not much thought through and did it just for the money not the fans. And the saddest part was, after the movie ended, as I walked down the stairs heading to the theater exit, it didn't feel like I just finished watching an Indiana Jones movie.
Personally, the last Indiana Jones movie was in 1989, and it was The Last Crusade. Enough said!
P/s: The Kingdom of Crystal Skull = Rambo 4. Get it?
VERDICT: 6 out of 10
I have to admit, I never was a fan of Iron Man. That changed last Sunday. I went to the movies after a long break to watch another Marvel superhero comes alive in theaters. The last movie was Jumper, a few months back. Well for me, a movie freak, a few months of absence from the movie theater is a long time.
